18th SUNDAY AFTER PENTECOST PROPER 22

October 04, 2009

the Rev. Ken Kroohs

(Genesis 2:18-24; Ps. 8; Heb.1:1-4 & 2:5-12; Mark 10:2-16)

MARRIAGE & DIVORCE

St. Christopher’s Episcopal Church, High Point, NC

 

                                                    

MAY THE WORDS OF MY MOUTH ... AND THE MEDITATIONS OF ALL OUR HEARTS ... BE ALWAYS ACCEPTABLE TO YOU --- OUR STRENGTH AND OUR REDEEMER   AMEN

 

    For the last several weeks I have had the Book of James to lean on for sermon material.  Today let’s go to Hebrews, or the Psalm or Jesus’ teaching about children.  Let’s do whatever we can to AVOID Jesus’ marriage teachings and His reference back to Genesis!!

 

    My therapist friend has the unpleasant habit of telling me what I don’t want to hear.  And one thing he tells me is that the things we LEAST want to hear are probably the things we most NEED to hear!  So let’s grit our teeth and look at Jesus’ teaching about marriage and divorce.

 

    This is tough for most of us because if we are not divorced we have good friends who are.  We know good people .... loving, caring, Christian people who are divorced and remarried so how can we accept this teaching?

 

    First things first — what we cannot logically or legitimately do is simply ignore the passage.  We want to do that but once we start throwing out bits of the Bible, where do we stop?  Throwing out a passage is as bad as those people who pick only one or two verses and pound on those.

 

    For example, people who would pound on the teaching on divorce – Jesus at most talks about it twice – while ignoring the MANY times Jesus speaks about caring for the poor.

 

    If we throw out this teaching by ignoring it — we are doing exactly the same thing.

 

    So, how do we reconcile the teaching of Jesus with life in today’s world?  Or should we?

 

    One common explanation has some value but is not complete.  This is what I will call the “feminist” explanation — that what Jesus was doing was leveling the playing field between men and women by making the rules the same for both. 

 

    Certainly there is some truth to this.  Men had it easier to obtain a divorce under Jewish law although there is some question of exactly what was involved.  Most likely the process varied from place to place.  Two major groups of Pharisees, Jewish religious leaders, disagreed with one allowing divorce under virtually any excuse, and the other saying its allowed only for adultery.  So the idea that Jewish law and tradition was so fixed Jesus could attack it just does not hold up.

 

    However certainly the woman USUALLY ended up much worse off.  A woman with children had no income and little chance of finding income other than prostitution.  If she was very lucky, her family might take her back but that was not common.  So yes, Jesus’ teaching helped woman.

 

    Under the feminist explanation life today in the U.S. no longer has that situation and so the teaching no longer applies.  That’s similar to the argument that we now can cook pork safely so the prohibition against eating pork no longer applies. .... And there is some truth that U.S. circumstances are BETTER but the fact remains that many people, and usually women more than the men, are badly hurt by divorce.

 

    So I would argue that we have to go deeper into the teaching and not simply accept the simple, feminist answer ..... unfortunately!  That would be so easy.

 

    Let’s ask ourselves what Jesus is teaching about here.  I believe Jesus is going far beyond simply marriage.  I believe He is talking about vows ... promises made to God.  I believe He is challenging the ease with which we ... not them ... but we are willing to walk away from the vows we took.  Not actually “walk away” because that would require we remember the vows we took.  And here I am not talking only about marriage.

 

    Consider the baptismal covenant we VOW .. we promise to God every time there is a baptism.  “Will you seek and serve Christ in all persons, loving your neighbor as yourself?” .... “Will you proclaim by word and example the good news of God in Christ?” .... “Will you strive for justice and peace among all people and respect the dignity of every human being?”

 

    We promise BEFORE God ... we take those vows ... and then, we don’t live up to them.  (Hear me say “we”.) 

 

    Today I believe Jesus is speaking about all the vows we take.  When Jesus speaks about adultery clearly He is talking about sexual acts but throughout scripture the word is used to describe what happens when people turn away from God ... when people do not keep their vows. ... Jesus called them, and us, an adulterous generation.

 

    So where does that take us on marriage, divorce and re-marriage?  Let’s look where Jesus looked, at the Adam and Eve account in Genesis.  And let’s specifically look at what God did.  God was seeking to find a helper, or helpmate, or companion for Adam.  So from the very beginning we are told that the vow is to be a companion – a helper to each other.

 

    What happens when that fails?  Should we just continue on despite the failure?

 

    I like the statement that divorce is not the primary sin ... divorce is the consequence of sins.  The covenant was broken ... the vows ignored or divorce would not be considered.  Divorce is the consequence of sins.

 

    As most of you know, I am divorced and re-married.  My divorce was not caused by adultery or other mis-behavior on either part.  So you better believe I struggled with these questions!  And frankly, I found little theological help at first.

 

    The Episcopal Church does not support sin.  It does not support divorce.  What the Episcopal Church does believe in is forgiveness.  The Episcopal Church believes Christianity is about repentance – about turning around and starting over.

 

    One of the other Baptismal vows is: “Will you persevere in resisting evil, and, whenever you fall into sin, repent and return to the Lord?”

 

    The Episcopal Church believes Christianity – God – is all about our failures, and our willingness to admit those failures and then be reborn into a new life.

 

    The hard part about that?  The hard part about that is not taking it to casually.  We can easily begin to believe “Oh what the heck — God will forgive me so nothing really matters” ... In fact, I want to suggest that is our most common attitude.  God will forgive me, so nothing really matters.  The churches which scream at you: you will burn in hell!! at least believe that keeping our vows is important.  I think they are off base in most ways but they at least take God seriously.

 

    Do we?  Do we take God seriously?

 

    What does it mean to “repent and return to the Lord”?  If I stole something – I could return it, take the punishment and never steal again.  That would fit the “repent and return to the Lord” instruction.

 

    But divorce?

 

    Clearly people can and will disagree with me on this but I believe the question is about knowing where we failed and being willing to acknowledge that fault, repent, and return to the Lord.

 

    So when I faced divorce what I had to do, is seek to understand my failures ... her’s are her problem ... seek to understand my failures, acknowledge them, and ask forgiveness of those I failed and of God.  Ask God’s forgiveness for breaking my vows.

 

    And then, I believe, God forgave me and told me to start over with the hope I would make a few less mistakes.  And I can say God has blessed me with Shirley and our marriage. 

 

    But that was a difficult process.  It was hard for me to take the blame.

   

    But if taking God seriously and taking responsibility is essential, so is knowing what we should take responsibility for.  We are influenced by other people, and we influence other people.  BUT – we are not controlled and do not control others.  So we should NOT take responsibility for another persons’ actions ... not say “I made them do that” ... and we should never try to give away responsibility .. “they made me do it”.

 

    First is to take God seriously and specifically take our vows seriously and second is to take responsibility for our actions, and only our actions.

 

    I have told people that regarding divorce, at the very least we need to take responsibility for picking the wrong spouse!

 

    Perfection is not the expectation.  The goal maybe, but not the expectation.  God does not expect us to be perfect.  God does expect us to be better today than yesterday and better tomorrow than today.

 

    God’s expectation is we will take God ... and our vows ... very seriously.  God’s expectation is that we will take the blessing of being allowed to start over ... as a great and wonderful gift not to be taken for granted.

 

    From our baptismal service, let us pray: Heavenly Father, we thank you that by water and the Holy Spirit you have bestowed upon us your servants the forgiveness of sins, and have raised us to the new life of grace.  Sustain us, O Lord, in your Holy Spirit.  Give3 us an inquiring and discerning heart, the courage to will and to persevere, a spirit to know and to love you, and the gift of joy and wonder in all your works.”  

 

              AMEN

 

We have previous sermons on our website.  To read an earlier recent sermon just enter: www.st-christopher.org/sermon.html.

 

CLICK HERE TO RESPOND: I would enjoy reading your comments about this sermon. Please feel free to discuss content or presentation.  (If you wish to use another email system send your comments to:  ken@st-christopher.com)